Silly With Sassy

Okay! I confess I am a goodie two shoes. I am bored, no, I take that back I am sixty-two and bored. I have come to an impasse in my life which way should I go? I do not want to join the purple pantsuit and red hat society they are too predictable for me plus I can't see a bunch of grown ladies dressed alike dining at the  local " Olive Garden" but to each their own. No! What I am looking for is an adventure of sorts after all I am not as spry as I use to be and if the truth be known my body is not like my seventeen year old self anymore. Also, I want a pretend friend you know the kind that agrees with you all the time, okay maybe not all the time I will call her Sassy. She will be someone I can bounce my crazy ideas off of and she thinks " that sounds like fun" You see I was always a " good girl " did everything by the book, walked the straight and narrow, did not upset the apple cart. But now I want to let my hair loose, live a little, be a little daring, spread my wings. Okay! I confess I am a few feathers short of a seagull but isn't that what duck tape is for? Now what was I saying? Oh! Ya adventure, wait a minute I will think of something, I know I will put a pair of pantyhose over my head and walk into the local bank and politely ask for cash, no I cannot do that the teller goes to my church I know I will put a bandanna over my mouth and go to the drive up window and say " give me all your cash " please" and make it quick I have a weak bladder don't you know. No that will not work either I am the choir director and she will recognize my voice. Hey! There goes Father Joe walking towards the rectory I know I will go up to him and say " hand over your prayer beads and no one will get hurt " I know he will laugh and say " that is funny, so what is new with you?" Obviously nothing I will reply. Better yet I will steal my neighbor's newspaper not just any newspaper I will go  for the "Sunday News " you know the one with all the coupons, that is if she still got the newspaper I just remembere! d she st opped getting the paper six months ago too much bad news she told me. Do not worry Sassy I will think of something " What should I do?" I know I will make a crank call to Alice, you know the one who told Billy my bra size when I was twelve years old.  I dial her number and her husband answers " may I speak to Alice " I tell the sleepy man, " she is not home may I ask who is calling?" I hesitate, my hands are sweaty and I answer " no message I am just a telemarketer and hang up on him."Telemarketer " I say to myself, couldn't I have thought of something more original like " I am just the Pope checking up on all my Catholic friends " I take a break and make myself and Sassy a cup of coffee, time to regroup. Okay! I have it now I am at the grocery store, I will case the joint and walk up to the large display of red and green grapes and pluck a couple of them but all of a sudden the produce manager walks up to me and asks " are you finding everything you need?" I feel faint, smile and say " yes, thank-you " when he leaves I put the grapes back, tuck them securely between two other grapes and leave the store. I need air,I am shaking as I walk towards my car, I sit down and take a deep breath. " That was close" I tell myself and have a heart to heart talk with Sassy " I do not think I can do this Sas, so I better quit while I am ahead. I guess " Once a good girl, always a good girl don't you know "

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